It took courage for the parents of Daniel James to say goodbye
The best consequence of success in sport is the opportunity to enrich the life of someone else.
Daily Telegraph 24th October 2008 By Brian Moore 24 Oct 2008
The way it was: Daniel James (centre) as a rising rugby hopeful Photo: NEWSTEAM.CO.UK
This is a feeling nobody, however rich, can buy. As a former international hooker, I know that it also brings other things - equally moving, of greater import and sometimes inspirational, but never a pleasure.
I vividly recall my first visit to a rugby player who was in one of the country's acute centres having suffered serious spinal injury. As I write I can feel the tears welling and as then, I cannot stop them. I was not prepared for the experience, not understanding what might be my reaction. More importantly, what it needed to be to help the unfortunate boy who, either side of a collapsed scrum, had looked forward to his degree course at university, but now contemplated a lifetime of manual evacuation of his bowels, assisted feeding and knowing he would never be independent.
Though rugby is not the most dangerous of sports, there are serious injuries, and those pertaining to the front row, particularly to hookers, resonate keenly. The uniquely vulnerable world of the hooker within the scrum is one in which I dwelt for years without serious injury.
However, I also remember the times I got the engagement, the 'hit', wrong, suffering a 'stinger', a neurological shock like a lightning bolt down my spine: when I was driven upwards, my neck being slowly bent, close to hyperextension, before I managed to pop my head out of the scrum: when the front rows collapsed and all I could do was turn my head a little to minimise the chance of my neck taking all the weight of the collapse and fracturing.
Daniel James, son of Julie and Mark, represented England at under-16, university and student level at hooker. In playing for the last two teams he was following the same path which years earlier had led me to that which also cannot be bought; the honour of representing my country at full international level. I know how Daniel felt pulling on the No 2 jersey; the mixture of fierce determination and pride, edged with fear and the pressure of carrying not only his dreams, but those of his friends and especially his parents. I know Julie and Mark were so very proud.
I am sure that in a quiet moment before he played, he thought of his mother and father. How much he owed them for driving him to training, coping with his mood swings according to how he had played - and just how much he loved them. I hope he told them at the time, because too few of us do. Unfortunately, I know exactly how, in March last year, Daniel dislocated his spine when a scrum collapsed during a training session at Nuneaton RFC.
Colleague Mick Cleary, in his earlier column, chose precisely the phrase which is more apposite to me than most, given the similarities with Daniel.
"There but for..."
I cannot dwell on that collapse as it reminds me too much of my mortality and that someone else was chosen by fate to suffer. I cannot know the workings of Daniel's mind as he struggled with his catastrophic injury and, if I am honest, I do not want to because in those thoughts lies madness. I can make an educated guess at how his mum and dad felt when they were told of his accident and with what they battled thereafter. If the following sounds patronising, so be it; only a parent can come remotely near understanding what it must have been like for Julie and Mark.
If you have not had a child, your perception of this is intellectual. That is what makes parenthood special, it is emotional. You may hypothesise that Julie and Mark would gladly have swapped places with their son; but you cannot feel that or the guilt they probably feel for encouraging him to play the game that, at times, they will feel killed their son.
All this is secondary to the astonishing courage they showed in accompanying Daniel to the Dignitas clinic in Berne, where Daniel was assisted to take a life which to him had become unbearable, particularly given the contradiction of rude health and near total incapacity. I do not know how they faced the conflicting emotions of saying goodbye to the little boy they saw score his first try and the desperate wish to keep him with them. If they get counselling, which they must, they may have to face admitting something I felt while watching my father struggle through the last hours of his life, gasping for breath - that when I cried "please don't struggle anymore", part of this was because I selfishly wanted him to spare me any more pain.
My father was elderly, but still the walk from his deathbed was a searing experience. No parent should have to bury a child and I do not have the ability to suppose what that walk felt like for Julie and Mark.
It is still an offence under the Suicide Act 1961 to "aid, counsel or procure the suicide of another"; the penalty is up to 14 years' imprisonment. Julie and Mark now face the ordeal of investigation by the West Mercia police following notification of their act of love by a 'concerned' individual.
Of that person I say concerned is the last thing you were, other than in an intellectual exercise of morality, a concept incapable of standard definition by two people, never mind entire organised groups - however concerned they, in their delusion, may be. Among the many letters Julie and Mark will get, there will be a handful which will say they will be punished on the final day. Yes, some people are that pitiful. To such authors I put this - if you reserve judgment for God, why usurp this by presupposing the conclusion?
If there is a God I believe He will understand what was done and why.
Headlines have stated that Julie and Mark have defended their actions. Mr and Mrs James, you have to do no such thing. If there is a final reckoning, it is between you and your God - no one else.
Updated On:- 2008-10-29 09:54:04
Why Compete?
Do you ever get a little frustrated with people who don’t want to keep score? I have friends who want to go play golf, but not keep score. I don’t want to play with those guys. I tell them, "Just go to the driving range and don't clutter up the golf course." What's the point in playing the game if you don’t compete?
So what's the big deal with competition? Is it, as some think, for one to show his superiority over another? For some this is probably true. For most of us however, the point is to test ourselves. That's exactly the point in golf, as each one is competing primarily against the course. It is a test of one's skills, not just a competition with one's opponent.
How does competition test us?
Let’s make a brief list:
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Competition tests us physically – technique, talent and fitness.
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Competition tests us mentally – focus, knowledge and insight.
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Competition tests us spiritually – self-control, faith and love.
Why compete?
To compete well is to test oneself against an ascending scale of standards of achievement.
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Competing against the elements of the sport. (Fundamentals)
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Competing against one's opponent. (To beat that person or team)
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Competing against an objective standard. (Statistics)
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Competing against one's personal best. (Personal records)
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Competing to a mental image. (Like a video of the sport's best)
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Competing "in the zone." (Being in the flow)
Competition tests us in ways that move us beyond mediocrity and it challenges us to become all we are capable of being. Don't let the test intimidate you, rather step up. Win or lose, you have made progress in the life-long process of developing as a complete person.
Updated On:- 2008-10-29 09:45:55
Every Day Moment 1
Supplied by Stuart Weir Verité Sport
Do not take me away, my God, in the midst of my days. The Bible Psalm 102:24
Human life is very brief. The life of a sportsperson even more so with a career of 10-15 years maximum in most sports if you are fortunate. I once read that the average NFL American football career is 3 years. Injury can cut a career short and even death. Earlier last season a Motherwell player collapsed and died during a game.
Sometimes players decide to opt out themselves. Justine Henin, the world's number one tennis player decided to retire at the age of 25. What an age to retire! However we look at it, professional sport is a precarious career. Guy McIntyre formerly of the San Francisco 49ers once said, "I am in the team until they find someone faster, stronger or that they can pay less to".
The Bible puts it well, "Our days vanish like smoke” and everything will "wear out like a garment”.
The Psalmist in the Bible reminds us that in contrast God was there at the beginning of time and that he will be there at the end of time. God is the only certainty in our world. As players let us enjoy our playing career, knowing that it will soon vanish like smoke but at the same time, let us put our faith in things that last forever.
The Bible in the book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. What a truth to hang on to in all the ups and downs of sport life and as our career comes to an end.
